Friends with ex partners

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 06:10 PM

Well... here's the story, I'm 19, only had one g/f of 18 months, and we broke up 3 or 4 weeks ago, now heres the catch, she still wants to be mates (I know the choice is up to me)... but how many of you guys are mates with ya ex's? and does it work or not? I sorta been trying to be nice to her, but just seems that we argue over the slightest thing, so I doubt it would work for me.

I think she actually wants to be more than mates, but her family don't like me. Because I was a ******** to her on the weekend, and yeah she said she wanted to be best mates with me :s (heh she was going to take me back till I told her I went for a cruise with one of her friends.)

XRated · 01-02-2007, 06:39 PM

In my opinion it's too hard. Best mates? No way. Aquaintances? Maybe.

Not only will it be hard when you're "best mates" because of jealousy, but just wait until you guys try and move on with different partners.

I was with my previous girlfriend for over five years and tried the whole "mate" thing. It was just way too hard even after several weeks. I made it a clean snap and haven't heard from the rat bag in over six months and it's the best choice I made.

Good luck either way.

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 06:42 PM

Lol yeah, I was thinking it would be too hard to watch each other move on.... I've wanted to catchup and there's thousands of excuses...

I mean I got a friend trying to set me up with someone :p, and I've accidently sent my ex a sms saying "should do this or that" - it's a bad habit when rushing a sms at work to send it to my ex :o, and she cracks up that I'm guna hang out with a other chick...

Jeld-Wen Falcon · 01-02-2007, 06:43 PM

I think its possible, I am great friends with one ex, but I hate every other ex ive had.

Its what you want, how you feel. Is it what you want?

Psycho Chicken · 01-02-2007, 06:43 PM

A few weeks is way too soon. I fought flat out with ex's for months after. With the exception of one I avoid and one who seems to avoid me, I still talk to them all though. Not just the occasional msn convo either.

I'm good friends with xrated's ex though.

Melz · 01-02-2007, 06:47 PM

It is to hard to remain good mates with ex's. I can still be civil with mine, talk to them, but wouldn't really call them good friends! Half the time why people become 'ex's' is that you need space from that person in the first time, being in each other's back pockets isn't ideal.

bob^ · 01-02-2007, 06:59 PM

It just makes it harder to let go. Maybe down the track it can work as mates.

AUsome · 01-02-2007, 07:01 PM

depends on the individual I reckon. I have ex's i never talk to anymore (most of them) then theres a couple i talk to rarely and one im still pretty good friends with but dont talk as much as normal friends would...

and i have to agree with bob, if your in love with them, its goin to make it ALOT harder to let go

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 07:06 PM

Yeah, I dunno exactly what I want at the moment, I'm sorta trying to get to know other peoples to cheer up, that's sorta why I don't wanna be mates with my ex I think, cause I still love her to bits! :( oh love is cruel!

kyro_02 · 01-02-2007, 07:08 PM

does she work at the same place you work ? :P

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 07:11 PM

Haha nope, shes a age career and I'm a apprentice panel beater :P

I think she still has feelings for me tho with how ****ed she gets when I talk to other chicks.

AUsome · 01-02-2007, 07:12 PM

It can be cruel mate!! I've just found out again last night...

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 07:15 PM

yeah, well considering she was my first :o and yeah, I'm finding it so hard not to pick up the 'ol phone and send her a sms! lol.

Bluefreak · 01-02-2007, 08:05 PM

It can work out, I'm still mates with a couple of my ex's, my missus is cool with it too... My missus was married before and her ex still comes around for dinner, she goes to coffee with him and I even go to the pub with him sometimes. It's about whether or not you have the right attitude(and really it can't be changed) combined with trust.

MITCHAY · 01-02-2007, 08:09 PM

As long as it's mates with benefits I see no problem

:

b2tf · 01-02-2007, 08:11 PM

yep, im still very good friends with mine and although i have a new gf it doesnt matter at all.

atec77 · 01-02-2007, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skotty

Well... here's the story, I'm 19, only had one g/f of 18 months, and we broke up 3 or 4 weeks ago, now heres the catch, she still wants to be mates (I know the choice is up to me)... but how many of you guys are mates with ya ex's? and does it work or not? I sorta been trying to be nice to her, but just seems that we argue over the slightest thing, so I doubt it would work for me.

I think she actually wants to be more than mates, but her family don't like me. Because I was a ******** to her on the weekend, and yeah she said she wanted to be best mates with me :s (heh she was going to take me back till I told her I went for a cruise with one of her friends.)

It wont work , in time you might become friends but for now move on

Jamesbondage · 01-02-2007, 08:42 PM

sounds to me like you have more of a problem with her parents than her..........sounds like a case of meet the fockers to me!!!

Super Roo 1970 · 01-02-2007, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MITCHAY

As long as it's mates with benefits I see no problem

:

He He He ......BINGO!!!!!!

castek · 01-02-2007, 09:27 PM

your not from western suburbs are ya? coz a good friend of mine just split with her bf of a long time. his name was peter

LUXO_8 · 01-02-2007, 09:30 PM

mate...honestly? 90% of the time its just not worth it.....far too complicated and you'll just drift apart from being friends.....
it just becomes just far far too complicated.....do yourself and her a favor and just cut all ties..... it wasnt untill i cut all ties with my ex that i truely got over her........ always thought there was a slight flame there you know..

i split with my ex 2 years ago........tried the whole friends thing for 12 months with varying success.....it just doesnt work....im much happier now than i was this time 12 months ago, and i owe that to cutting off ties with the ex..

might hurt for the short term.....but you'll move on

Conrad · 01-02-2007, 10:02 PM

Gday mate,

This may same wierd but im in the exact same situation mate. Right now. Happening in my life.

Trying to be friends just aint working. Im still giving it a go but so far i would highly suggest you back the **** up off her and urinate off.

(This may be harsh but..) She may have been ur first, you may love her but lifes a *****, get over her and get away because they only making things worse.

This is just my oppinion from my current experience. At the way we are going now sometimes i wish we never went out.

I dont know what else to say besides i seriously suggest you dont do it.

MO · 01-02-2007, 10:08 PM

Cut all links..it won't work and you'll never find the right one.

Cam · 01-02-2007, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MADNC_8

mate...honestly? 90% of the time its just not worth it.....far too complicated and you'll just drift apart from being friends.....
it just becomes just far far too complicated.....do yourself and her a favor and just cut all ties..... it wasnt untill i cut all ties with my ex that i truely got over her........ always thought there was a slight flame there you know..

i split with my ex 2 years ago........tried the whole friends thing for 12 months with varying success.....it just doesnt work....im much happier now than i was this time 12 months ago, and i owe that to cutting off ties with the ex..

might hurt for the short term.....but you'll move on

Couldn't have said it better myself, sorry to say, move on..

In the last 2 months i have started chatting and seeing my ex again (with benifits), all its done is bring back old feelings and make me confused, and less happy then i was before we started talking again..

I was the one that initiated contact, after a messy break up, and i wish i had of just moved on and never contacted her.

She wants to get back together, i dont, i have feelings for her that i'd forgotten about until i started seeing her, and well more importantly sleeping with her...honestly dude, save youself the long term stress and move on, as hard as it is now, you wont be in my situation a year from now, when we broke up...

Cam

Feathers · 01-02-2007, 10:13 PM

I'm still good friends with my ex. I even went and stayed with him and his family for a few days in November (~18 months after the relationship ended).

I think for us it's probably a lot easier to be friends since we live in different states, but then I think that was also the major factor in the relationship not working either.

Cam · 01-02-2007, 10:16 PM

Well i just thought about this some more, and i am still on speaking terms with another ex who was my first some 8 years ago, but it was a mutual breakup (living too far apart), but still it hurts to see her with other guys...so i stick with my first reply.

Good luck dude

LUXO_8 · 01-02-2007, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fastfords-dot-org

Couldn't have said it better myself, sorry to say, move on..

In the last 2 months i have started chatting and seeing my ex again (with benifits), all its done is bring back old feelings and make me confused, and less happy then i was before we started talking again..

I was the one that initiated contact, after a messy break up, and i wish i had of just moved on and never contacted her.

She wants to get back together, i dont, i have feelings for her that i'd forgotten about until i started seeing her, and well more importantly sleeping with her...honestly dude, save youself the long term stress and move on, as hard as it is now, you wont be in my situation a year from now, when we broke up...

Cam

mate, been there, done that, wish i didnt.....
then i cut all ties and got over her and her crap... lol

Cam · 01-02-2007, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MADNC_8

mate, been there, done that, wish i didnt.....
then i cut all ties and got over her and her crap... lol

Hindsight is a ******* great thing eh?

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 10:26 PM

Yeah, my ex said that we were better when we were just good friends, and now the more I think about it, the more I agree with her, all tho I should be mates with her because, she let me move to Adelaide with her (she lived in Adelaide, I lived in mount gambier) I didn't really have ambition to get a job, I didn't have much self esteem, didn't take pride in my appearance, and now I am the complete oppiset!(sp) I have changed heaps thanks to the ex

heh, I also have some of my old mates back... it's sorta sticky here, she is my ex best mates, ex missus if ya get what I mean? lol, since the break up me and my ex best mate, well we practically best mates again, apart from the fact his into weed now...

XR Rob · 01-02-2007, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skotty

Well... here's the story, I'm 19, only had one g/f of 18 months, and we broke up 3 or 4 weeks ago, now heres the catch, she still wants to be mates (I know the choice is up to me)... but how many of you guys are mates with ya ex's? and does it work or not? I sorta been trying to be nice to her, but just seems that we argue over the slightest thing, so I doubt it would work for me.

I think she actually wants to be more than mates, but her family don't like me. Because I was a ******** to her on the weekend, and yeah she said she wanted to be best mates with me :s (heh she was going to take me back till I told her I went for a cruise with one of her friends.)

Skotty, staying friends is basically a tactic whereby she doesn't want to let you out of her life altogether and she is "hedging bets" that you might get back together. You even sense that she still might want to be more than mates. Follow your instincts. If you think she does, and you don't want that, it's time to get out of her life altogether and not even be mates. Staying will just confuse everything.