25 Ways To Impress Your Girl

XR6_661 · 25-11-2006, 08:24 AM

Please do not take offence to this girls, it's just for a laugh!

25 WAYS TO IMPRESS YOUR GIRL
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words **** you and grab the other girls ****. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.

AU2PWR · 25-11-2006, 08:27 AM

HaHa , Not Bad lol

TURBOTAXI · 25-11-2006, 08:48 AM

Very funny.
Especially:
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

Kenster · 25-11-2006, 10:46 AM

: now how come these tips werent on when i was with a girl damm you

**Peuty** · 25-11-2006, 11:49 AM

Ahahahaha all very funny.
This one's my favourite.....
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

LUXO_8 · 25-11-2006, 12:09 PM

lol........bit rough...
funny though

GXL078 · 25-11-2006, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peuty

Ahahahaha all very funny.
This one's my favourite.....
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

And swinging in your tree. These things aren't funny, they are aweful.

Nevermind · 25-11-2006, 12:33 PM

hehe.....
ouch

Doogstar · 25-11-2006, 02:17 PM

hmm... some of them are very funny, except for the violent and/or nasty ones. But I guess it's sacastic, but some may take it seriously. Violence against women is never funny, I know it's a joke but....

Walkinshaw · 25-11-2006, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doogstar

, but some may take it seriously.

and who's fault is that?

Ford_Boy · 25-11-2006, 02:28 PM

lol violence agaisnt women ?all of those things would see any normal girl leave the guy so its obvious its the complete opposite of what you should do. its obviously a bit of a laugh but what scares me is if there are crazy people out there who would actually have done these things or consider doing these things.

**Peuty** · 25-11-2006, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xcgxl

And swinging in your tree. These things aren't funny, they are aweful.

Don't lecture me mate, I am big enough to make my own decisions.

Ives · 25-11-2006, 02:43 PM

While we're in the spirit of this thread... check this out.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=9a2a18a5d0

XRchic · 25-11-2006, 03:25 PM

I had a bit of a giggle *me runs and hides*

snortycorty · 25-11-2006, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XRchic

I had a bit of a giggle *me runs and hides*

lol I'm doin the same thing!

Hawk · 25-11-2006, 11:46 PM

Numbers one, four, five, nine and 13 are hilarious!

fiery · 25-11-2006, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XRchic

I had a bit of a giggle *me runs and hides*

Quote:

Originally Posted by snortycorty

lol I'm doin the same thing!

yep me also :evil_laug

WizBang · 26-11-2006, 10:28 AM

Here are 30 things thata guy should know about girls

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house...they run around in their underwear just like we do.
2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.
3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your *** at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the damn hat.
*4. Never miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.
5. Don't refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.
6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.
7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.
*8. If you don't sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.
*8.5 If you DO sleep with them, don't tell your friends that you did.
9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...
10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.
11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..
*11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!
*12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it's not a serious relationship.
13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.
*14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the sh_t out of him.
15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.
16. Never, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.
17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.
18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.
* ew 19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.
20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like sh_t, so be understanding.
21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.
22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.
*23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.
24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.
25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.
26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.
27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.
*28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.
***29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out.
30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

XR6_661 · 26-11-2006, 07:12 PM

Reading some of those 30 things makes me realise how much I love my girlfriend

Dunno why, just does.

james22 · 27-11-2006, 02:04 PM

i agree. They are just the average things that we should try to do, No 26 I spot on the head lol

4.9 EF Futura · 27-11-2006, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cant take a joke

And swinging in your tree. These things aren't funny, they are aweful.

It's just shoving and stuff.... I mean, it's not like im one of those guys who beats up on a woman.

gozza · 27-11-2006, 03:45 PM

Making her orgasm will reign supreme to all of them

XYGTHO · 27-11-2006, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gozza

Making her orgasm will reign supreme to all of them

LOL. Most of those 30 are spot on. I do by best at all of them but don't actually do that well at alot of them. LOL. Ive got a typical male memory loss, even for important things. The only thing that helps is that i can admit to it i think.

XCSEDAN · 27-11-2006, 04:19 PM

30 is too long of a list bugger that lol
the 1st list was big enough lol

**TUF_302** · 27-11-2006, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EL_661

Reading some of those 30 things makes me realise how much I love my girlfriend

Dunno why, just does.

Me to! :hihi:

braddo · 30-11-2006, 05:58 AM

i read those 30 things and wow ive been with the same lady for 28 years and wow i rcckon i would find it hard to drive my ef with 2 blacl swollen eyes!!! shes a red head!!

XR6_661 · 30-11-2006, 07:59 AM

I will refrain from telling the 'black eyes' joke

5LMonty · 30-11-2006, 09:11 AM

Those 25 reasons to impress were funny as!!! pity there's so many fun police on here and turn the thread into a 'violence against women' lecture! F* ck me!

photn · 30-11-2006, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EL_661

Reading some of those 30 things makes me realise how much I love my girlfriend

Dunno why, just does.

agreed.....

Mind you i normally get introuble for doing a couple of those things.. i get the line.....Im not in the mood dont touch me or leave me alone.... lol.

Ford_Boy · 30-11-2006, 09:59 AM

the first 25 was funny and some of the responses with the violence against women was a great laugh but having my gf for nearly 2 years i think ill stick to the second list with the 30 rules, it is dead acuret (spelling) the rule about the parents is so true. a father has a hard time as it is with his daughter having a boyfriend so if your an *** and not polite then you will never have a chance with her.