Sad News

Bucknaked · 02-10-2006, 04:15 PM

About an hour ago I was out in the back yard when the phone rang. When i answered, it was my Sons Pre School Teacher. She was contacting all parents to let them know that yesterday evening, one of their class mates had died. She was only 5 years old. It was a drowning. A terrible terrible event. News like this really breaks your heart. I can't imagine what her parents are going through. It's something that you could never imagine happening. So I had to break the news to my 5 year old son. This is the first time in his life that he has ever lost anyone close to him. This is the first time he will have to deal with something like this. I'm not sure how he will cope in the coming weeks, and especially on his first day back at Pre School. At the moment he seems ok.

When I told him, I could see he was trying to understand the gravity of what I just said. He went quiet for a few minutes, put his head on my shoulder and said he wished she could still be alive. It is just so sad. His teacher said that councilling will be organised for all the children to try to help them to deal with this news. She said the funeral details will be in the paper.

I was not sure that taking him to the funeral is what he needs. But I think it is something he does need. I know he is young, but all of his class mates will be there and it's going to be a day of high emotion. So if anything, it will be better if they all get time together to come to terms with this.

It brings back painful memories. Julie's sister lost her child when he was 3 through a drowning. We were away on holidays and we flew back to Sydney when we got the news. I flew on to Canberra to get the car and drive back to Sydney. By the time I got there, he had passed. I was able to spend time alone with him. Looking at him, it was the hardest thing I have ever been through and it still upsets me to this day. I will never forget that day.

On Friday it was their last day of the school term all the children received their school photo's. I have had a look at the class photo.

Yesterday we went Grocery shopping and as I went in to do the lotto, Connor was waiving to another child. When I asked who that was, he told me. It was the little girl. He even mentioned it today after I told him.

Anyway, i just wanted to share. I'm not really looking forward to the next couple of weeks. I guess if any parent has any advice on the best way to help a 5 year old through something like this, please feel free to post something. And for anyone who feels like offering opinions on how this could have been avoided, don't bother. It does not help anyone.

Cheers

Dwayne

**DJM83** · 02-10-2006, 04:36 PM

Thats no good Bucky my condolences to the little girls family and friends and hope all goes well with your son.

BLKFPV · 02-10-2006, 07:11 PM

very sad news .... my thoughts are with the family and friends

I have had the misfortune to have lost a son .... life is never the same but life does go on ... strength to all

fiery · 02-10-2006, 07:21 PM

Really sad news.. a little one passing..

Sincere condolences to family and friends of the little girl..

To be honest I think you should let your boy see if he wants to go to the funeral.. he will know what is best for him.. I know that sounds strange, but kids are far smarter than we realise when it comes to these things.

The only advice I will give is to simply let him talk, cry, be angry or whatever he needs to do .. Lots and lots of cuddles and reassurance is about the best thing I can say right now..

Very heartbreaking for all concerned and my heart really does go out to the little ones parents....

MO · 02-10-2006, 08:05 PM

Where to start...I think as has been said take your youngun to the funeral to let him say goodbye.

I say this because when I was about 10 my grandmother died and I saw her die...no one in the family knows this yet...but I was not allowed to go to her funeral..because I was so young.

I have held a grudge ever since because I could not say a final goodbye.

Whatever questions your youngun throws your way answer them as honestly as you can given your knowledge and beliefs.

Don't be afraid to show emotion this may cause him to become emotional but its all part of the grieving process.

Condolences to family.

CAMS290 · 02-10-2006, 08:16 PM

Terrible news, my condolences to all those involved !
I just cant imagine what it would be like to lose a son or daughter at such a early age.

We have just booked my 9 month old son in for swimming lessons, he is starting this wednesday.
I believe it is worth every penny if it can help him get out of trouble, they are never too young to learn to swim.

Grechie · 03-10-2006, 09:34 AM

This type of news is always upsetting. my condolences to the family of the little girl...:(

MotherNatureVer2 · 03-10-2006, 10:36 AM

Our thoughts are with your son & his playmates and especially the little ones family Buckky .......

You are a parent so will know that little ones are not as nieve as we would have them. He may well rant & rave or he may be very introspective over this oredeal. The best way to deal with it is as openly as possible, as others have suggested.

Let him know we are all thinking of him at this time

**FTE217** · 03-10-2006, 11:50 AM

Very sad news Bucky....condolenses to the parents and family I could only imagine what they must be going through...

Ryan · 03-10-2006, 11:53 AM

That's very rough. :(

Can't imagine the pain, of losing a child, let alone losing a child, so very young.

Condolences to her friends and family. :(

Tell your young bloke, I'm thinking of him and I hope he pulls through it.

JG66ME · 03-10-2006, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MO

Where to start...I think as has been said take your youngun to the funeral to let him say goodbye.

I say this because when I was about 10 my grandmother died and I saw her die...no one in the family knows this yet...but I was not allowed to go to her funeral..because I was so young.

I have held a grudge ever since because I could not say a final goodbye.

Whatever questions your youngun throws your way answer them as honestly as you can given your knowledge and beliefs.

Don't be afraid to show emotion this may cause him to become emotional but its all part of the grieving process.

Condolences to family.

What MO said. Its important that people grow up knowing how to grieve and that its normal to feel sad and when these things happen. It will give him a chance to say goodbye.

My thoughts are with you and yours mate

Steve

Uncle Raggy · 03-10-2006, 12:11 PM

Mate, that is just so sad. in 1997 my wife lost her nephew to cerebral palsy at the age of 13. At the funeral his younger sister was there, I believe she was 8 at the time. She was upset but she wanted to be there. Then in 2003 my wife past away. My niece and nephew were 8 and 5 respectively, but they weren't at the funeral because it was percieved that they were too young. But they still ask me why they weren't allowed to say goodbye to their Aunty Kathy. I think that if your child wants to go, then it would be good to let him. It will be a terribly difficult day but he will better understand what has happened if he can see it through his eyes. My god, tears are in my eyes as I write this. Ultimately it is up to you, but I would say being with his classmates will be the better option to deal with this tragedy. I hope you all can make it through this tragedy. Draw strength from each other, I'll be thinking about you all.
Darren

uranium_death · 03-10-2006, 01:29 PM

I think that he must be let known that although a funeral is a sad occasion, it is a time to remember the friend that has "gone to heaven" (which is a nice way of putting it).

We should remember the people that die by remembering the good things, like playing games at Kindergarten and such. And that the people that die never really leave us as long as we remember them.

And although I doubt the magnitude of this occasion will reach your child fully due to his age, he must also be told that you are there to help him. If he has to talk about something or ask questions, he must know that Mummy is there for him.

I don't have children, but from personal experience (in terms of tragedy), I find friends and family a good comfort.

Bucket · 03-10-2006, 01:34 PM

My Sincerest condolences..I hope you little fella is ok and my heart goes out to the family that has just lost their little girl..breaks my heart :(

Do you know the family at all? Maybe you could take them some food or something?

Ryan · 03-10-2006, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uranium_death

I think that he must be let known that although a funeral is a sad occasion, it is a time to remember the friend that has "gone to heaven" (which is a nice way of putting it).

We should remember the people that die by remembering the good things, like playing games at Kindergarten and such. And that the people that die never really leave us as long as we remember them.

And although I doubt the magnitude of this occasion will reach your child fully due to his age, he must also be told that you are there to help him. If he has to talk about something or ask questions, he must know that Mummy is there for him.

I don't have children, but from personal experience (in terms of tragedy), I find friends and family a good comfort.

I agree.

A funeral is never a nice atmosphere, but it's a good way to remember, those you loved.

It may help him deal, with the loss aswell.

AshMan · 03-10-2006, 03:09 PM

reading your first post sent shivers down my spine...

The death of another human being is NEVER a good thing, especially when they are an innocent child who has yet to experience many of lifes' great experiences.

I suggest that you explain to your son that going to the funeral can be a way for him to say goodbye, to see all of his friends etc also would be a good thing.

Just like a wake is a celebration of someones life, not mourning their death so to speak, the funeral does not have to be all black and sadness...

Don't know if any of this makes sense, but I hope it helps.

My sincere condolences.

boss-290 · 03-10-2006, 06:44 PM

That is terrible news. My condolences go out to the family and friends of the little girl.

When I was in grade 5 or 6 in primary school, a girl who was in grade 3 died from playing with the clothes line and got strangled by it. She had a little brother in prep. It was a very sad thing to hear.

sfr rob · 03-10-2006, 06:50 PM

such a waste of a life, poor little girl!
I wouldnt know what to do with my self if i was the father of the child, i couldnt imagine losing a child!

FPV8U · 03-10-2006, 06:51 PM

Terrible news breaks your heart to hear of this sort of thing, losing someone at 16 was bad enough for me let alone losing a friend at 5 i feel for your son.

My condolences to the little girls family.

Bucknaked · 03-10-2006, 07:34 PM

Thankyou to everyone for your replies. Really appreciate the comments.

I have decided to take Connor to the funeral. I think this will be an important thing for him.

Thanks again.

tickford302 · 03-10-2006, 08:02 PM

Really sad news, i have 3 of my own and could not imagine losing one.Our condolences to the family and to your little one.

One thing you mentioned was he saw the young girl at the shops, i know it may be hard as an adult but dont despute it, my son was once extremely sick and as he layed on the lounge he looked over at a chair at his side and said that everything is ok as my nana Betty is here, this is a women he had never met as she passed before he was born, he had not even seen a picture but descibed her to a T, i dont wont to go down the path of life after death etc but as kids there minds and perseptions are yet to be disrupted.
All i can say it was has already been said, lots of love, cuddles and understanding.

OLDFORDNUT · 03-10-2006, 08:25 PM

very very sad and im glad to hear your letting your little mate go with you to the Funeral, i am 45 in a few weeks and still get upset that my dad and mum would not let me go to my Grandads Funeral when i was 8, i never forgot and it has always plagued my memories ,give him his room and re-assurances with hugs and an icecream after .
kind reguards
Nick

gtfpv · 03-10-2006, 08:37 PM

very sad news . i must say as a parent i thought your child would be too young to go to a funeral . especially for a child of 5 years old . it will be horrible . but after reading peoples posts and experiences perhaps its the right thing to do . good luck . i just dont know what else to say . still not sure whether he should go to the funeral . it will be a very very sad funeral compared to most as you would expect.

AUIII XR8 MAN · 03-10-2006, 08:43 PM

My condolences to family and friends of the girl. I couldn't help but feel a little sad while reading this sad news.

I'm gald your going to take your son to the funeral as this show support to family of the girl.

Tles · 03-10-2006, 08:47 PM

Having had the very recent experience of having attended what should have been a beautiful little girl's first birthday but was not quite reached (bath), I can honestly say that you are doing the right thing. I do make the suggestion though that you should perhaps avoid viewing as it can be hard to seperate the full of life and joy child you knew from this image in the future. Trust that she is sleeping beautifully and peacefully and playing. The wonderful thing I did get from the service is how deeply and widely such a short life can touch so many. I know that in my whole life I should be lucky if I can touch the hearts of even half as many as one so young has.
Hopefully this may help.

HLC · 03-10-2006, 10:20 PM

terrible news Bucky :( just terrible.

Chief and I had a mate from school commit suicide a couple of weeks ago, so we know the feeling.

my condolences to the girls family, and all the best to your Son. i hope it doesnt affect him too badly. :(

RegSpec · 03-10-2006, 10:27 PM

My son in law lives in Canberra and rang me this morning and told me the daughter of one of his workers had been drowned over the weekend.
Understandably, the guy is just shattered......
Our hearts go out to him,his wife and family :(

Yummy Mummy · 03-10-2006, 10:32 PM

My condolences to the little princess's family, and all those who knew her. I know I could not go on if something happened to my little man.

I think if your son wants to go to the funeral. Kids are so receptive, and I think it will give him the reality of the situation and will help him understand. Apparently my parents kept me away from my great grandfathers funeral when I was 4, thinking I wouldn't understand, but mum said it is the one thing she regrets as I was asking alot of questions afterwards.

I took my son to my grandfathers funeral last year at age 4, and I think it helped him understand that his great pop had died. The questions he asked and conversation he initiated afterwards made me realise it was the best thing I could have done.

Good luck, I hope your little guy pulls through.

Bucknaked · 12-10-2006, 06:48 PM

Just give an update to the thread. We never made the funeral. As far as I am aware, it was not being put into the paper as I beleive the family wanted to keep it a private funeral. For which I can totally understand. There were other circumstance's also, but i won't go into it as my information is only 2nd hand. So as far as I know, it was close family and friends only. I also believe that the Pre School will be doing something. Being youngsters, you never know how they will react to this, so it's best to just work with them.

Anyway, thankyou to everyone who passed on their messages.

AMT · 12-10-2006, 06:59 PM

I lost my father when i was eight and even at that age it was hard, hope all goes well with your boy...