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| The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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04-03-2005, 11:26 AM
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Beware of mood swings!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Western 'burbs, put your bullet proof vests on!
Posts: 1,336
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We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew! Why is it that only the women laugh at this? :Reverend: *Edit* - Sorry I should have added that I got this in an email, I have no idea who it happened to. I can't say I feel his pain (due to circumstances beyond my control ie, being born a female), but I did watch the tears well up in the corner of The Maddestmans eyes as he read it. :nutsycuck
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1993 EBII GLi Auto, 4.0L MPI rebuilt by JMM, JMM Dev1 kit, JMM Hi Flow Cat, still to hit the quarter mile. :Up_to_som
Dyno Sheet-14/07/05 Last edited by LuvinmyEB; 04-03-2005 at 11:41 AM. |
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04-03-2005, 11:33 AM
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have you seen my marbles?
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: land of oz
Posts: 570
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coz they cant relate....and why do they think its funny to hit someone in the balls for no apparant reason....it is simply just wrong
 : next time you'll know to wear a towel.... i feel for you mate so would every man.... hope eveything is still in its correct place and working properly....
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comfortably numb... Last edited by kiwikid; 04-03-2005 at 11:35 AM. |
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04-03-2005, 11:36 AM
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GT4.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,218
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HAhahahahha That was a great read mate!
Very bad bad bad luck though! I feel for ya... Jeez i can only imagine the pain from both regions... Thats like something off american pie! hahahah |
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04-03-2005, 11:36 AM
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#4 | ||
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have you seen my marbles?
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: land of oz
Posts: 570
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on another note im surprised the cat is still alive....
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comfortably numb... |
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04-03-2005, 11:38 AM
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FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: ACT
Posts: 4,028
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They could make that in to a "Free Willy" movie...
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Current Rides: 2000 AU 5L XLS ute; 1970 Mustang project |
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04-03-2005, 11:43 AM
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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that is the funniest thing I have heard in a long long time....priceless!!
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04-03-2005, 11:43 AM
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#7 | |||
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Beware of mood swings!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Western 'burbs, put your bullet proof vests on!
Posts: 1,336
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Quote:
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1993 EBII GLi Auto, 4.0L MPI rebuilt by JMM, JMM Dev1 kit, JMM Hi Flow Cat, still to hit the quarter mile. :Up_to_som
Dyno Sheet-14/07/05 |
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04-03-2005, 11:58 AM
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Lucifer's Angel
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sydney
Posts: 5,282
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 : HAHAHA. Oh I wish I could have seen that.  : :hihi: :evil_laug
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 SINISTER BA XR6 Blueprint, manual, 4490's, Redback 2.5" dual exhaust, BA Typhoon rims, tint, fog light covers, BF tailights, blue illuminated window switches, Ghia bootlid carpet, lower grille, FPV door spears, steering wheel & interior bits, XR6T + F6 intake, K&N filter, Typhoon spoiler, tuned, sway bars, custom angel eyes & plates..YUM!
If there's one thing guys in Holdens hate more than being beaten by a Ford... It's being beaten by a girl driving a Ford  |
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04-03-2005, 11:59 AM
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No longer driving a Ford.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 2,969
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Quote:
 out:  :
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04-03-2005, 01:09 PM
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Runnin C3H8 & C4H10
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Blue Mountains NSW
Posts: 525
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that's tops.
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Production Editor- Street Fords, Xtreme Fords, Aussie Brutes and Custom Utes Magazines sam@streetfords.com Phone: (02) 9741 3838 (direct line) |
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04-03-2005, 01:18 PM
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Redhead extraordinaire...
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Blue Mountains, NSW
Posts: 2,049
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My face and stomach hurt from laughing
 Cat got your tongue... :hihi:
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Bindi 88 EA- his car 88 Rolla - MY car Quote:
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04-03-2005, 01:24 PM
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4,078
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i was waiting for something to go into the insinkerater..
that was a classic. |
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04-03-2005, 02:04 PM
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Has Blue Blood
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,551
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I have not laughed like that in sooooo long !
Doesnt matte how painfull it must have been ! , i feel for the guy, but that was funny !!!!!!!!!
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Real cars dont wear bowties I'm not arrogent , Just superior
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04-03-2005, 02:09 PM
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Mopar/No Car
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Down the Obi..
Posts: 4,648
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Ah, cats... See attached.
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ColumnShift Media '72 Plymouth Scamp '80 Courier '13 Kawasaki ZX14-R '13 Berlina '92 Suzuki DR650 If you don't fight - You lose
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04-03-2005, 02:14 PM
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Silver Therapy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 38
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Wonder if he changed his name to Claude Bawls
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We the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much for so long that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing............. :1syellow1 :1syellow1 :1syellow1 |
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04-03-2005, 02:14 PM
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Lucifer's Angel
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sydney
Posts: 5,282
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Awww thats awful.
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SINISTER BA XR6 Blueprint, manual, 4490's, Redback 2.5" dual exhaust, BA Typhoon rims, tint, fog light covers, BF tailights, blue illuminated window switches, Ghia bootlid carpet, lower grille, FPV door spears, steering wheel & interior bits, XR6T + F6 intake, K&N filter, Typhoon spoiler, tuned, sway bars, custom angel eyes & plates..YUM!
If there's one thing guys in Holdens hate more than being beaten by a Ford... It's being beaten by a girl driving a Ford |
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04-03-2005, 02:22 PM
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Formerly AU2XLSV8
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Sunshine Coast
Posts: 694
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hmmmm.....Funny....As long as it didn't happen to me i suppose!
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Current ride = Mazda 6 MPS Toy = AU2XLSV8 - another one (really my best mates but I'm claiming it) Past EL 6 S/C - sold AUII XLS V8 Stroker - sold 99' Laser (runabout) - sold BA Fairmont - sold AU III XR8 220 - sold (so should have kept this one) AU III XLS Tickford 6 - sold Formerly AU2XLSV8 |
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04-03-2005, 03:55 PM
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#18 | |||
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As in 'best there ever'
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bayswater, VIC
Posts: 1,574
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Quote:
That idea is sooo getting used. :evil_laug |
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04-03-2005, 04:53 PM
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#19 | ||
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Blueprint Beast
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne Berwick AUSTRALIA
Posts: 1,077
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OMG thats so funny lol hope not all pussy's are like this.
Cheers John
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FPV & XR Owners Club of Victoria Leather seats, Premium sound, Sunroof, Satellite Navigation, Reversing sensors, Herrods lowered suspension, Full stainless steel Quad exhaust system, Helix spacer,Open mouth cold air induction,Uni Chip,BMC air filter |
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04-03-2005, 05:23 PM
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FF.Com.Au Hardcore
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 12,083
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Quote:
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Older, wiser, poorer. Now in Euro-Trash. VW Coupe V6 4motion.
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04-03-2005, 07:08 PM
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#21 | ||||
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No longer driving a Ford.
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 2,969
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Quote:
What? Why are you looking at me like that? We don't even have a cat...
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05-03-2005, 07:13 PM
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#22 | |||
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Afterburner + skids =
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Skidsville
Posts: 12,151
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Quote:
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Speed Kills. So buy an AU XR8 and live forever. Oo\===/oO |
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Cat Lover or not this is hysterical!
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