A Bunch of useless funny things...

[FordFan86]

Plenty to read.

• Life is not short; it's just that we're dead for so long.
• Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
• Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
• Monday is a hard way to spend 1 / 7 of your life.
• Everything is possible except for skying in a revolving door.
• Life is complex; it consists of real and imaginary parts.
• Love is a matter of chemistry. Sex is a matter of physics.
• Life is what happens while you're out making other plans.
• 2 + 2 = 5, with suitably large values of 2.
• Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
• Safe sex used to mean park the car first.
• The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
• Cut my pizza in 6, I can't eat 8 pieces.
• If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk.
• Eat right, exercise and die anyway.
• Sex is hereditary, if you're parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
• Tell a person there are 300 billion stars out there and they will believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint and they’ll have to touch to be sure.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
• Only adults have problems with childproof bottles.
• A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's forget the whole thing".
• To spot the expert, choose the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
• Matter is damaged in direct proportion to its value.
• If you can't understand it, it intuitively obvious.
• Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
• Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
• Winning isn't everything, but losing is nothing.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• It doesn't matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something when you get up. An object in motion will be headed in the wrong direction.
• An object at rest will be at the wrong place.
• A little ignorance can go a long way.
• Genius consists of seeing everything mankind has seen and to think of what no one has thought of.
• Life is a lemon and I want my money back.
• He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
• When all else fails, read the directions.
• If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
• Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a quote.
• Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep.
• A wok is what you frow at a wabbit.
• Shreddies: breakfast of pentagon officials.
• I often daydream of inability to fantasise.
• Why experiment on rabbits with so many lawyers.
• Two wrongs don't make a right; it usually takes three or more.
• Too much thinking leads to delay.
• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• California raisins murdered: cereal killer suspected.
• Death is only one of the many changes we go through.
• I multi-task, I read at the bathroom.
• I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
• I have no problem with God; it's his fan club I hate.
• Alzheimer's advantage #27: Hiding your own easter eggs.
• Alzheimer's advantage #17: New friends every day.
• I've got plenty of common sense; I just choose to ignore it.
• Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be cancelled.
• Faith: saves poor, small kids and ships named Enterprise.
• I fear not the dark for I have a flamethrower to light my way.
• Any problem can be solved with the right amount of explosives.
• Reality used to be a friend of mine.
• Childhood is the place where nobody dies. Nobody that matters that is.
• Never underestimate the underestimated.
• Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
• Arithmetic is being able to count to twenty without taking off your shoes.
• Cocaine is nature's way of telling you; you have too much money.
• The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people have more fun during the waking hours.
• Just when you think life's a ИИИИИ... It has puppies.
• If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
• Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
• Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
• Real programmers don't document. 'If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.'
• Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
• For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
• I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
• There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
• Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
• I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
• If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
• If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
• Don't look back; they might be gaining on you.
• Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
• The little I know I owe it to my ignorance.
• Physics is experience, arranged in economical order.
• Could you imagine the silence there would be if people spoke only what they knew.
• Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
• Gravity doesn't exist, Earth sucks.
• Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
• When in darkness or in doubt, run in circles and shout.
• There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
• Estimation rule: Estimate the time it should take, multiply by 2 and add 3. Independent of the unity of time.
• The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
• Life is like an onion, you peel off every layer to find nothing in it, and then you cry.
• An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.
• Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
• Nothing is impossible as long as you don't do it yourself.
• Why do they put expiration dates on sour cream?
• Five people out of four have problems with fractions.
• I'm sorry; reality is not in service at this moment. Please come back at another time
• When in trouble, blame it on the guy that doesn't talk English.
• People having no faults are terrible, there's no way to take advantage of them.
• Reputation is what others are not thinking about you
• When I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
• Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
• The buddy system is essential to your survival: it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
• Old musicians never die, they decompose.
• Insomnia isn't something to lose sleep over.
• Chemistry teachers never die, they just fail to react.
• Recursive, adj.; see Recursive.
• Instant human! Just add coffee.
• Mental floss prevents mental decay.
• Drive safe: 95% of people are caused by accidents.
• Garfield: proof that eating and sleeping isn't all that bad.
• I'm not dead, I’m electroencephalographically challenged.
• In science, the real world is a special case.
• Bald spot, no, solar panel for brain power.
• The most common elements on earth: Hydrogen and stupidity.
• Dying ain't much of a living
• Dead people should be called the living impaired
• Thief is so ugly, I prefer creative acquisition specialist.
• I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
• I like work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
• Experiments should be reproducible: they should all fail in the same way.
• Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
• The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
• Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
• Truth exists, Falsehood has to be invented.
• Vital papers will prove how vital they are by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
• Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
• Everything put together falls apart sooner or later
• Law of volunteer labour: people are always available in the past tense
• Programmer's cheer: shift to the left, shift to the right. pop up, push down, byte byte byte.
• Complexes problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
• Forgive and remember.
• Needs are a function of what others have.
• The chief cause of problems are solutions.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
• The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
• Psychic convention cancelled: unforseen problem.
• Inside every living person there's a dead person trying to get out.
• According to the latest official figures, 43 % of all statistics are totally worthless.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense to be lazy.
• Ambidextrous: able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or left one.
• Antonym: the opposite of the word you're thinking.
• Magic is real, unless declared integer.
• Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
• Department of Redundancy Department
• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
• Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
• CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
• 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
• Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
• Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
• REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
• (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
• SENILE.COM found.. out of memory

[WIKIDSTIX]

" 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? "

wow.. i can never look at life the same way again. lol