friday funnies - Page 2

Dodge · 10-03-2005, 10:09 PM

yes its only thursday but im away all weeked so here they Go

A man moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. Come morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died." "Well then, just give me my money back." "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK then, just unload the donkey." "What ya gonna do with em." "I'm gonna raffle him off." "Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the guy and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't no one complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2.00 back."

Dodge · 10-03-2005, 10:10 PM

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When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. She said," Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable." Mr. Burns said," I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it." Oprah said," I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age." George said, "Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it." Oprah said, " I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?" So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, "I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man." George said," The second time is even better than the first time." Oprah said, "You can really do it again at your age?" George said, "Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour .You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes. When she woke him up ,they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, "Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time. At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!" George said that the third time would be even better. "You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes." Oprah said, "Does me holding you like that kind of recharge you batteries?" George said, "No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman, she stole my wallet"

Dodge · 10-03-2005, 10:11 PM

NEVER CHOKE IN A RESTAURANT IN THE SOUTH > > Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they > talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby > table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, > it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. > > One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman > shakes her head no. > > "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. > > The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress > yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick > with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm > and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. > As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the > bar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind Lick > Maneuver,' but I ain't niver seen nobody do it."

jase_elxr8 · 11-03-2005, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by champsky

so technically it would be corredct to say that you would be 1st because you were passing the last person since you have gone far enough to catch up behind him and pass him which would mean you overtook someone who was last.

Technically no, this comment is only true if there are only two people race. If there are 5 people in a race why cant the person in forth place overtake the last?? Also, you are assuming that the race is around a track of some sort, which is not always the case.