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The Bar For non Automotive Related Chat |
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28-05-2008, 10:00 AM | #1 | ||
NOT A TOYOTA :/
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Eastern Suburbs, Melb
Posts: 2,554
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For all those lovers of hot food out there.
This is really funny. Natal Curry Contest. If you can read this whole story without laughing then there is no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a curry cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB. Judge 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America. Frank: 'Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted'. Here are the scorecard notes from the event. CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy , what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy. CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang. Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS 'BURN DOWN THE GARAGE' CURRY Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick. Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers. Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting p*ssed from all the beer. CURRY 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY Judge 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac? CURRY 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the chilli peppers make a strong statement. Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Scr*w them. CURRY 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to myself if I fart and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream. CURRY 7 - SELINA'S 'MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE' CURRY Judge 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably). Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Scr*w it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CURRY 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY Judge 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot curry? Judge 3 - No Report
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06 Land Managed to remain in the v8 fraternity |
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28-05-2008, 10:24 AM | #2 | ||
[ 5L ]
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: North Haven, Adelaide
Posts: 2,886
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lol that was a ****er
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[ 5L ] 2001 AU series 2 xr8, 220kw, 5speed, leather interior, premium sound, narooma blue, cat back exhaust, k&n filter,willall edit,MSD coil packs, MSD leads, monroe gt gas shocks, superlow kingsprings 187rwkw (mainline) www.ignitionimages.com
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28-05-2008, 10:36 AM | #3 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Wagga Wagga
Posts: 2,507
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"Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream."
Thats where i lost it hahaha. That was funny as.
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Daily: AU Forte Wagon Project: AU Fairmont - Wants to be turbo The Family Car: 2009 G6E Turbo Future fun: 1968 Ford Galaxie 500 |
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28-05-2008, 10:43 AM | #4 | ||
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 20,408
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Im LMAO while Im typing. GOLD!!!! :
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"the greatest trick the devil pulled, is convincing the world he doesn't exist" 2022 Mazda CX5 GTSP Turbo 2018 Hyundai Santa Fe Highlander 1967 XR FALCON 500 Cars previously owned: 2021 Subaru Outback Sport 2018 Subaru XV-S 2012 Subaru Forester X 2007 Subaru Liberty GT 2001 AU2 75th Anniversary Futura 2001 Subaru GX wagon 1991 EB XR8 1977 XC Fairmont 1990 EA S Pak 1984 XE S Pak 1982 ZJ Fairlane 1983 XE Fairmont 1989 EA Falcon 1984 Datsun Bluebird Wagon 1975 Honda Civic |
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28-05-2008, 11:11 AM | #5 | ||
Dawn
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 987
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smiled uncontrollably at that one
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28-05-2008, 11:19 AM | #6 | ||
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Beaumont Hills
Posts: 2,536
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Hahahaha still laughing, gold!!! LMAO..
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28-05-2008, 11:34 AM | #7 | ||
Living the dream
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: NSW
Posts: 1,795
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hehe the end was good
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28-05-2008, 08:03 PM | #8 | ||
Barra Turbo > V8
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 26,176
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hahahaha thats a pi$$a
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-2011 XR6 Turbo Ute - Lux Pack - M6 -2022 Hyundai Tucson Highlander Diesel N Line |
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28-05-2008, 08:24 PM | #9 | ||
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Gods Country
Posts: 16,258
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Top Effort
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28-05-2008, 09:17 PM | #10 | ||
Regular Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 85
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Classic!! I had some of the same reactions when when I first met my Thai wife & she introduced me to Thai food which is a lot of chillis & curries.
She & her mates would be laughing their a***s off while I would be running around looking for something to put out the fire. Doesn't take long to get used to it but - now Western food seems plain! |
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28-05-2008, 10:43 PM | #11 | |||
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 20,408
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Quote:
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"the greatest trick the devil pulled, is convincing the world he doesn't exist" 2022 Mazda CX5 GTSP Turbo 2018 Hyundai Santa Fe Highlander 1967 XR FALCON 500 Cars previously owned: 2021 Subaru Outback Sport 2018 Subaru XV-S 2012 Subaru Forester X 2007 Subaru Liberty GT 2001 AU2 75th Anniversary Futura 2001 Subaru GX wagon 1991 EB XR8 1977 XC Fairmont 1990 EA S Pak 1984 XE S Pak 1982 ZJ Fairlane 1983 XE Fairmont 1989 EA Falcon 1984 Datsun Bluebird Wagon 1975 Honda Civic |
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28-05-2008, 10:54 PM | #12 | ||
Back in a Blue Oval
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Karratha WA
Posts: 707
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hilarious classic!!
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'13 Territory TX Diesel RWD. The Family Bus '08 Mitsubishi Pajero. The Off-road Machine |
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29-05-2008, 12:40 PM | #13 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Kerang VIC
Posts: 1,212
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That's very clever. I would strongly advise Frank to avoid my chilli sauce lovingly named "El Viage Misterioso de Nuestro Ranchero" (the mysterious journey of Loco XP).... As a true spicy food and chilli fanatic, I have been looking to push the boundaries for some time now. So through a friend of a friend I tracked down some seeds from an insane asylum in Guatemala, which once planted turned out to be a genetically engineered Habanero chilli (pictured below, bright orange)
So with my ever prosperous supply of Guatemalan insanity peppers, along with a handful of Jalapenos (just as filler, seriously, not even a quarter as intense in heat) and some African Bird's Eye chillis, using my wooden spoon (which legend claims was carved from a bigger spoon) I set upon creating my cullinary masterpiece. Sure there were other ingredients (onion, garlic, sugar, salt, vinegar, herbs and citrus juices) (as above), but the chilli content is still at a hefty 85% or more PURE HELLFIRE HATRED, with a subtle, delicate (and pointless) sweetness and aroma..... So after a couple of beers, to reward myself for my efforts, I decided to break out the cheese, crackers and "El Viage Misterioso de Nuestro Ranchero"..... The following is what I recall: No sooner had I tried my biochemical sauce and said to myself "Man this is crazy, I hope I didn't brain my damage" I was having conversations with a space coyote with the voice of Johnny Cash about finding my soulmate...... Anyway, after I came back from my psychotropic adventure, and being accused of getting drunk, to which I replied "Oh honey, I didn't get drunk, I just went to a strange fantasy world".... I decided to patent my tasty HOT sauce, of which yielded a measly 300g.....but which will last many months. |
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29-05-2008, 04:02 PM | #14 | ||
Critical Thinker
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 20,408
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you certainly live up to your name dude. Pics of you before and after you consume this 'salsa from satan' would be greatly amusing.
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"the greatest trick the devil pulled, is convincing the world he doesn't exist" 2022 Mazda CX5 GTSP Turbo 2018 Hyundai Santa Fe Highlander 1967 XR FALCON 500 Cars previously owned: 2021 Subaru Outback Sport 2018 Subaru XV-S 2012 Subaru Forester X 2007 Subaru Liberty GT 2001 AU2 75th Anniversary Futura 2001 Subaru GX wagon 1991 EB XR8 1977 XC Fairmont 1990 EA S Pak 1984 XE S Pak 1982 ZJ Fairlane 1983 XE Fairmont 1989 EA Falcon 1984 Datsun Bluebird Wagon 1975 Honda Civic |
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29-05-2008, 04:23 PM | #15 | ||
FF.Com.Au Hardcore
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Cattai, Sydney
Posts: 7,701
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good thing i dont like spicy foods!!! but man that story was hilarious, wish i read it earlier!!
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1992 EBII Fairmont Ghia 4.0l <---Click for the Gallery! Insta@mooneye_ghia White on bright red smoothies with thick whitewalls. Cruising around to some rockabilly |
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29-05-2008, 10:36 PM | #16 | ||
Regular Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Kiama
Posts: 302
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hahahaha funniest thing ive read in ages.................
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30-05-2008, 07:34 AM | #17 | ||
Regular Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 85
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[QUOTE=LOCO XP
No sooner had I tried my biochemical sauce and said to myself "Man this is crazy, I hope I didn't brain my damage" I was having conversations with a space coyote with the voice of Johnny Cash about finding my soulmate...... Anyway, after I came back from my psychotropic adventure, and being accused of getting drunk, to which I replied "Oh honey, I didn't get drunk, I just went to a strange fantasy world".... I decided to patent my tasty HOT sauce, of which yielded a measly 300g.....but which will last many months.[/QUOTE] You & Homer Simpson have a lot in common |
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