Do I tell or don't I?

[Black XR6]

Yep, could easily happen in this instance as well.

[Mrs Coyote]

Who's to say that he does not know if you say that he does everything for her and thinks the world of her. Maybe he knows and does not want to lose what he thinks he has. Let's face it the 18 year old is not going to hang around forever. Maybe they just have an open marriage. Maybe things are just not right between them. Do you know all the details of what goes on behind closed doors. What people see from the outside is not always the truth.

We women are very manipulative and usually get what we want. Like Phoon
says it can be all turned around very easily by a caniving scheming woman.

I would stay well and truly out of things.

And I do not agree with my husband who happens to be sitting opposite me.

[ronwest]

Originally Posted by Black XR6

Yep, could easily happen in this instance as well.

Maybe...

I may be a bit strange but having been married close enough to 30 years there is no way that I'm interested in finding out that my wife had an affair 20 years (or whatever) ago.

[Black XR6]

Nor am I. But what if she was having an affair right now?

[Black XR6]

And to reverse the questions. Do you think your wife would want to know if you had an affair 20 years ago?

[ronwest]

Originally Posted by Black XR6

Nor am I. But what if she was having an affair right now?

That's different.

These days the woman is worth an absolute fortune.

I'd probably arrange the motel room for them ;)

[ronwest]

Originally Posted by Black XR6

And to reverse the questions. Do you think your wife would want to know if you had an affair 20 years ago?

I just asked her.

Her answer was much the same as mine (don't want to know).

But, she also said that she'd be sorry (for us) that I'd felt the need to go outside our marriage.

I hope my daughters develop individually into as wonderful a woman as their mother.

[svo347]

Good reply from your missus ronwest.....

[Black XR6]

Yeah, good reply.

If only all wives were the same way. Would be line ball what mine would be like I reckon.

[athol]

It would seem that she was fond of Mr Happy in her younger days, and the old saying of leopard never changes it's spots seems to be ringing true, it is realy a question of your own morals if you inform the husband. Personally I would be slipping a note on the husbands winscreen, but that's just me, because the longer it goes on the more people will know, causing a lot bigger embarasment for the husband.

My wife after reading this thread went of mumbling something about a carving knife, removal of an appendage and suffocation with the second party with it, but then the wife is foreign and quite mad.

Athol.

[big fella]

----------------------------------- Update --------------------------------------

The gentlemen in question just phoned me asking if I knew his wife was "screwing around". It seems she wasn't as careful as she thought she was, and he did his own investigations and caught them at it an hour ago. I'm off to play the sober mate while he drowns his sorrows. He doesn't usually drink at all, so I want to get his car keys off him before he does something stupid.

[turbo00007]

good on you

[svo347]

good onya for being there for your friend, dont tell him you knew!!

[big fella]

Originally Posted by svo347

good onya for being there for your friend, dont tell him you knew!!

no point telling him i knew, he knows now and that's that

[gtfpv]

never interfere with what you dont know. people outcomes are up to them not others. you see it unfolded without you interfering.
LESSON THERE....

[Tornado]

Originally Posted by Mrs Coyote

We women are very manipulative and usually get what we want. Like Phoon says it can be all turned around very easily by a caniving scheming woman.

I would stay well and truly out of things.

Interesting replies in this thread.
Most men say tell him and the women say don't tell him.
hmm yes women are very manipulative and caniving aren't thay.

Well it looks like you don't need to worry about if you should tell him or not. Anyway I think its best that he knows. It won't be easy for him but better to find out sooner then later. I would want to know if my wife was cheating and I won't be happy if my mates knew about it and didn't tell me.

[phat_stak_tipa]

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

This such a sh1tty situation for the poor guy. He can not win. If she gets caught she will just bugger of with the kids to the nob that she is humping. The poor father will still be busting his butt but will have very limited acces to his kids and the CSA with strip half of his pay to pay wife support. Then he will loose the house and its all down hill from there. Who ever introduced the no blame divorce shoud be shot.

Answer to your question, IMHO, tell the poor fella. Fore warned is fore armed. I wish him luck.

its called a pre-nupt il be having 1 for sure my girl and i have discussed it she seems kewl with it for now....if shes not she can go jump.... ive seen so many blokes at work stick with there mrs coz they know financially they are better off eventhough its hell at home and kids well kids just bugger everything up child support custody what a mess.
as far as letting him know surely hes probly getting vibes of his own and knows of her 'PAST" let it go these things sort themselves out.

[deankdx]

now he Knows, it would be intersting i guess to see if he forgives her, and the Marriage continues, if they can actually discuss the reasons and work out why it happened?
i know of a few people who have worked it out and still together afterwards.
personally i'd not be as forgiving as i outline this scenario in the begining of a relationship i'd rather break up if there is a need to be unfaithhfull.

with the original question i would have said nothing unless i had seen it with My own eyes(i'd be trying not to see it)
its not cool in my opinion to go behind someones back.. if the relationdhip is open and agreed to it then there would be no problem.

[BPXR6T]

Have the kids dna tested. It would take a cold blooded person to be that manipulative, but you'd be surprised how often it happens...

[Outbackjack]

Originally Posted by FourBarrel

Have the kids dna tested. It would take a cold blooded person to be that manipulative, but you'd be surprised how often it happens...

This was a subject of a court case, still waiting for an out come. It seems that a bloke was suspicious about "his" kids genes and had DNA tests done. It turned out that only 1 of "his" 2 kids is actually his. He is sueing his ex for fraudulently(SP?) claiming child support for several years. It seems that the powers that be are not happy about the possibility of him winning his case for fear of a flood of court cases involving estranged fathers claiming money off their ex for supporting kids that are not theirs.

Here is an interesting question.... Who here would continue paying child support if you found out you had been paying for some one elses kid/s? Or will I get into trouble for asking a "sensitive" question???

[divine_afg]

im Glad this is all sorted and the poor guy knows about it know... hope he's coping well
with it all and not go through heaps more grieve....
personaly i would have advice you to have stayed out of it because it wouldnt have taken long to figure out who the "annonmious" person is ... i mean your wife works at
the same place has hers and you know the bloke. and by the sounds of it either your
wife has seen the shame ... or the ИИИИИ might have told her about it ....
wouldnt wish this on anyone..................
cheers

[pauljh74]

Originally Posted by Outbackjack

Here is an interesting question.... Who here would continue paying child support if you found out you had been paying for some one elses kid/s? Or will I get into trouble for asking a "sensitive" question???

Stop paying - she can chase up the other guy for his share. The fact that there was another bloke on the scene while you were with her is bad enough but for her to say it's yours when there's a good possibility it isn't makes it theft/fraud

[The MaDDeSTMaN]

Tough situation. I know of someone who just left their partner and children to be with his now ex-partners SISTER. Would I have done something about it before he left her holding the baby (literally?) if I could have? Probably, but I don't know what I could have done to prevent it, but what a 'Jerry Springer' situation it is.

Sorry, it's a hard one to give any advice on.