Secrets of a happy marriage

12-01-2005, 10:39 AM

Maybe an oldy but it's funny.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship.

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Canberra and mine is in Sydney.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit
down!".
So I bought her an electric chair. :evil_laug

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'.

3Toed · 12-01-2005, 11:19 AM

You're so dead when she sees this! :P hahahaha

Casper · 12-01-2005, 11:28 AM

Very VERY dead.

There is no way I'm getting into this one.

xceler8shun · 12-01-2005, 11:28 AM

lmao, RATT will be getting no loving any time soon once the other half reads this

JC · 12-01-2005, 11:32 AM

I especially like the last one!

MYVYSS · 12-01-2005, 12:48 PM

Oh Come on I love being married...I had sex nearly every night last week....

Nearly had sex on monday, nearly had sex on Tuesday, etc etc hahaha

xceler8shun · 12-01-2005, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

Oh Come on I love being married...I had sex nearly every night last week....

Nearly had sex on monday, nearly had sex on Tuesday, etc etc hahaha

so so close, all that hard work wasted

lv619 · 12-01-2005, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MYVYSS

Oh Come on I love being married...I had sex nearly every night last week....

Nearly had sex on monday, nearly had sex on Tuesday, etc etc hahaha

LO... that was nearly funny. :sm_drool: (j/k)

champsky · 12-01-2005, 12:59 PM

lol can you say "on da couch?" lol

cause thats where youll be sleeping one ya missus reads that lol

Dodge · 12-01-2005, 01:03 PM

and u didnt mention your girlfriend LOL my wife hate my girlfriend.

FordFan86 · 12-01-2005, 01:40 PM

LOL!!!
all of them are hilarious...
casper, your paint not starting to fade yet? you've washed that an awful lot recently :P

Smoked · 12-01-2005, 05:23 PM

Hey marriage is all about comunication

My Wife loves to talk during sex, just the other night she rung me from a hotel in Brisbane.

SpoolMan · 12-01-2005, 05:38 PM

all you need to do is listen to each other

12 · 12-01-2005, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XRFPV8

all you need to do is listen to each other

Yeah.. On the phone! :nutsycuck

All we do is listen, it's not like she stops talking so you can say anything anyway.

deesun · 12-01-2005, 05:59 PM

I can say whatever I like about about my missus- as long as she can't hear me-he he

T3man · 12-01-2005, 06:13 PM

On a serious note though ... it is important for a man that he can find a woman who is good around the house, cooking, cleaning, washing, looking after the needs of the children etc. It is also important for a man that he can find a woman who is loving, caring and a willing sexual partner wishing to give him pleasure all the time. But it is most important for a man that these two women never meet.

12 · 12-01-2005, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T3man

On a serious note though ... it is important for a man that he can find a woman who is good around the house, cooking, cleaning, washing, looking after the needs of the children etc. It is also important for a man that he can find a woman who is loving, caring and a willing sexual partner wishing to give him pleasure all the time. But it is most important for a man that these two women never meet.

.. Bwahaaa Nice!

Psycho Chicken · 12-01-2005, 06:37 PM

Ahhhhhh women. Can't live with em, can't bury em in the backyard without the neighbours noticing.

Angry Beaver · 13-01-2005, 01:51 PM

oh you men are so dead, and yes casper its just as well you didnt reply to this thread. now get out and wash the car.....

13-01-2005, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs casper

oh you men are so dead, and yes casper its just as well you didnt reply to this thread. now get out and wash the car.....

Isn't that your job too?

:

Smoked · 13-01-2005, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs casper

oh you men are so dead, and yes casper its just as well you didnt reply to this thread. now get out and wash the car.....

Well, i think this somes up poor old Casper

:
And,

:

champsky · 13-01-2005, 01:56 PM

lol

some adivice for the guys here:

if your missus is banging on the front door to let her in and the dog is at the back door barking and scraping to be let in, who do you let in???

the dog, cause you know hes gonna shut up once hes let in

/me is glad hes single hehehehe

Casper · 13-01-2005, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by champsky

/me is glad hes single hehehehe

And will probably remain so. :jerk:

loxxr6 · 13-01-2005, 02:17 PM

oh you men are so dead, and yes casper its just as well you didnt reply to this thread. now get out and wash the car.....

His retina's must burn everytime he looks at his car, from the glare off the paint from all that cleaning....

:

Angry Beaver · 13-01-2005, 08:27 PM

actually no i dont wash his car i wash my own. reason being is he is so pedantic about his car that i wouldnt bother as if i missed a bit i would never hear the end of it

Angry Beaver · 13-01-2005, 09:34 PM

yeah but he enjoys it

Smoked · 13-01-2005, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs casper

yeah but he enjoys it

Ummm,

:

Sourbastard · 13-01-2005, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs casper

yeah but he enjoys it

Casper and I had a heart to heart about his home life, and he feels guilty that he doesnt do enough around the house. He feels he could do more if only you asked more often, as he has a serious attention problem. If you remind him constantly too, he feels this may help him complete his chores faster. Maybe he could start with the bathroom...

:hihi:

Of course, I'm a nutter so ignore everything I say.........

Angry Beaver · 13-01-2005, 10:18 PM

mate if he told you that he is full of s###. He calls is nagging. But then again we have lived together long enough for him to know what needs to be done anyway so why should i have to ask because a male chooses to play dumb...

RED_EL_XR8 · 13-01-2005, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs casper

mate if he told you that he is full of s###. He calls is nagging. But then again we have lived together long enough for him to know what needs to be done anyway so why should i have to ask because a male chooses to play dumb...

I hear a muffled "yes dear" from the wings..