16 Things that took me years to learn

[XR6Gal]

I thought this was quite funny!



1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

[big_pete]

haha good stuff.

no.13 is SO true

[Feathers]

hahah yeah those are good.

[RED_EL_XR8]

Silly Queenslanders still cant comprehend Daylight savings lol. :

Post is an oldie but a goody. :

[champsky]

awww that means im a nice person cuse im always nice to waiters hehehehehe

yay me!!! :P

[RED_EL_XR8]

Originally Posted by champsky

awww that means im a nice person cuse im always nice to waiters hehehehehe

yay me!!! :P

Always say "yes, I will have fries with that thanks" huh champsky?

[WIngman]

lol thats list is funny

"Never lick a steak knife." - that would have hurt :
Wingman

[Dez]

good stuff XR6 gal....some funny 1's in there

[Marlin_Girl]

Originally Posted by XR6Gal

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

LMAO!! cool one :

: : : : hee he he he he hee

[Philbie]

afterthought -

Women can multitask - they can do many things at once and none of it well

Men however, can only do one thing at a time - but dam they do it well.

[Dez]

Originally Posted by Philbie

Men however, can only do one thing at a time - but dam they do it well.

not at all true philbie, i can watch TV AND eat at the same time....

i can watch a sporting event AND eat at the same time....

the list goes on

[Stevo]

Originally Posted by Dez

not at all true philbie, i can watch TV AND eat at the same time....

i can watch a sporting event AND eat at the same time....

the list goes on

yeah but how much do you spill all over yourself ?

[Dez]

nah i dont spill any till i get to the crumbs, and try to pour them into my mouth but without blocking my vision so i can still watch TV :

[champsky]

Originally Posted by Stevo

yeah but how much do you spill all over yourself ?

its not called spilling the crumbs its called "saving them for later" ;)

[Franky]

Originally Posted by Stevo

yeah but how much do you spill all over yourself ?

hehe so true

They're all good tips, great stuff

[Timmeh]

Good read .... heh heh.

Tim

Take note of the pregnancy one guys......I mean really take notice lol,
nice find XR6Gal

[MotherNatureVer2]

Hehehehehheee

I needed a laugh today ....... top post ;)

I will add that it is a scientifically proven fact that men can not multitask ....... its scientifically proven their brains cant handle the overload :P

[#Russ#Es#]

I've got some (although they're a little different to XR6Gal's):

"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when only one will do."

"A well-trained memory is one that permits you to forget everything that isn't worth remembering"

"Money is a good servant but a bad master"

"Character is what you are in the dark"

top post love 13. so true and the last ones posted so true russes ..